2014 was a hell of a year. For
someone who enjoys a challenge, I was given plenty of challenges to choose
from. Life didn’t just give me a bag lemons; it gave me an entire tub of lemon
pudding. That’s much worse then lemons if you ask me, as NO one in his or her
right mind likes lemon pudding, and if you do, you are most likely a communist.
Many people have said, “Where did the year go!?” as if implying the year has
flown by. To be completely honest, I couldn’t wait for it to be over. Ready to
put it all behind me in the rearview mirror of my mini van and drive. Yes, I
drive a mini van. I love it and you can all kiss my ass if you think otherwise.
So if you have been following this blog or even know me a little, then you know I decided to quit drinking. Let’s be honest, I was getting too good at it. Or bad at it, whichever way you look at it. It was the most difficult decision I had ever made. Not because I truly loves the taste of nice Guinness, but because all of the fondest memories of my adult life were tied to drinking. It’s the social aspect I’ll miss the most and now I am willingly turning myself into a Hermit crab, and to put yourself in the same sentence as crabs is never a good thing. When I first quit I was angry, petty, and childish. I truly acted like I was a marauder. Like I was the only one who was dealing with this shit and it was the worst thing to ever happen in the world was Jake Grothoff quit drinking. Pardon my French, but “Are you fucking kidding me.” That was incredibly selfish and it took something awful to make me realize that. This summer my Dad had a stroke and it scared the hell out of me. You would be lying if you said you hadn’t thought of one of your parents dying. I had thought of my Dad dying often, but not like this. In my mind, he died when I performed a perfectly executed roundhouse kick and his head fell off. It took something truly awful to give me the kick in the ass I needed to quit dwelling on the fact that I wouldn’t be drinking anymore. We all have shit we are going through. Am I angry that I honestly know I cannot be both successful and drink, hell yeah, But I am sure a lot of people are pissed that they can’t do a cartwheel and for those reading, my cartwheels are a thing of beauty. So what, most people drink, and I am no longer one of them. If you know me then you know how much I like being different anyway, so the transition shouldn’t be anything but seamless.
Now on to the year 2015, it’s going to be a hell of a year (a hella-good year). Nearing month eight, drinking and being around drinking is still weird. I think it always will be a bit. I made it a priority early on to not avoid it, as that would be letting it get to me. When going to dinner with friends or family at a place that serves alcohol (which is everywhere) you have to show it doesn’t get to you. I would describe it like running into your ex. Your heart is beating and you are a bit terrified, but you act completely over confident to show them how well you are doing. Your heart pounds, your palms get a bit sweaty, and the waitress/waiter finally comes to you for your order. In a moment of completely false confidence, you act as if you are giving the Inaugural Address becoming the President of the United Sates and you let out a mighty roar to announce to the entire restaurant, “I’LL HAVE THE ICE TEA MADAM!”
The same goes when others familiar with your situation order a drink around you. They feel awkward in a sense, of ordering it around you, but don’t want to make it awkward by not ordering a drink to treat you differently. I compare this to co-workers going #2. Play this in your head. You are walking through the office with a co-worker a few steps ahead of you. They veer off into the bathroom and you go take care of some things. It can be anything such as: making copies, making some coffee, or conducting painstakingly awkward small talk in the break room. As you leave 6 to 9 mins later, you pass the same bathroom. Of course, out walks the person who went in earlier. Now the most awfully awkward thing has happened. They know, that you know they were taking a poop. Just when things could not get any more awkward the worst thing imaginable happens.......you lock eyes. While it may seem like an eternity, you only lock eyes for half a second tops, but your brains connect and then it is completely clear. Now you know, that they know, you know they took a poop. If you do not feel awkward in that situation, then you might want to check your pulse. Hell, if I never encountered any awkward situations, I wouldn’t have anything to write about. There is no way to avoid these awkward situations so there is no sense hiding from the awkward situation of being around alcohol. Thanks for reading in 2014. I hope your 2015 is as good as mine is going to be.
PS. I am going to feel a hell of a
lot better tomorrow then you
