Looking Forward

So far, much of this blog has been devoted to my current struggles and the moments leading up to my decision to refrain from the use from alcohol forever. Wow, when I say it like that, the word “for-ev-er” is more powerful then any curse word or expletive that I learned while holding tools for my dad as a kid.

(If you don't know what this movie is. Don't tell me. It will just anger me)

Since much of the time on this blog from here on out will consist of the discussions regarding these struggles, let’s take a week off from being depressing and look to the future. Having a drinking problem is something I knew for a very long time. I was well aware of the things such as: How alcohol changed me, how I drank different then my friends, and how it seemed to be the only thing I talked about were all omnipresent things that I was well aware of. I was in denial for a very long time, but “looking forward” having an alcohol problem was not the only thing I had been living in denial with. Every fiber of my being wants to hate Taylor Swift. Every hair, pour, eyelash, scab, blackhead, and dingleberry wants to hate her. I have pretended for a long time, but I can’t hate her. I CAN’T. She is so catchy and if you pretend not to know every word to every one of her songs, then you are crazy and most likely telling a boldfaced lie. Well, I’m not drinking anymore and so what, I have no find new hobbies. I am going to keep cruising. I can’t stop, won’t stop moving. It’s like I got this music in my mind saying, “ It’s gonna be alright.” Looking forward, I have time to do whatever I want, including quoting pop stars. So, I have to live with a problem, that's fine. I'll just have to SHAKE IT OFF.

Looking forward, I am going to have a lot more time on my hands. I wonder how much time in my still kind of young, not quite graying life have I wasted consuming alcohol. I honestly do not know. If I were to try and quantify the amount of time and then put into words, the following thing is what pops into my mind:

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Six hundred minutes

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Moments so dear

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Six hundred minutes

How do you measure-measure a year

Now I don’t know, and actually the amount of time could be much more then said in the crappy ballad performed by number of artists including that dork Donny Osmand to becoming even more popular on the Broadway smash Rent. So the moral of the story is, I will have a lot of time. A lot of time to do anything I choose. From traveling to India, to learning how to sew maybe, and definitely avenging the embarrassing defeat from a few weeks ago and kicking the little red head girl's ass in the next piano recital. Oh, and I guess I could focus on my career a bit. Like I have noted in previous posts, I don’t really know what I like, but Looking Forward, I have a lot of time to figure it out.

I am not getting any younger. So looking forward, maybe the fact I am consuming less calories, this is the time to get my ass to the gym and get those coveted washboard 6 pack abs. Just kidding, PIZZA. Ok so the 6 pack is out of the question, but perhaps I could eat a few more vegetables instead of replacing my spoon for cottage cheese with a Dorito because then I can eat everything and not have to do dishes. I realize how it sounds when I say it aloud. OK, so I won’t devote my life to fitness, but looking forward, I am excited to use the energy I expended to refine my skills in drinking to do whatever is it is I want.

I don’t know what life looks like looking forward, but I am excited to see what it entails. I am still trying to fill that void in my life, so finding new things to do has been fun. Hey, if you think you have discovered the way to build a time machine, hit me up and let’s do the damn thing. I figure the amount of time and effort I spent being the best drinker I could be will ultimately make it easy to excel in any task I choose, from making spoons made out of Doritos to building the first time machine. I know many of our lives are different and the majority of you don’t struggle with alcohol like I do, but I challenge all of you to try something crazy and new and see how great it feels. In closing, I am very much looking forward to the new path of my life, but seriously, if any of you want to build a time machine I am all in.